Alicia Wolfe (00:00.142)
tomorrow. Okay. All right. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Boldly You podcast. I'm your host, Alicia Wolfe. And my guest today is an incredible inspiration to me. I don't know if she knows that or not, but an incredible inspiration to me. She's a part life coach, part business coach, Brittany King. Brittany King, welcome.
Great.
Brittny King (00:27.554)
Thank you so much for having me on the show. And it's so fun, because I remember when your email came into my inbox about like letting me know like the seeds that were planted and how I've just been an expander for you. And it's just such an honor to get to be that for you. Because you don't even realize how like the work that we're doing and how we're showing up in the world, how it impacts. And I don't think you know this, but your message came at the perfect time, because I think I was in a moment of...
self -doubt and just in my own little like negative spiral that we all go through ebbs and flows no matter how long you're doing the work so like came into my inbox at the perfect time I was like thank you I needed that
It's so amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing how the world works like that. And we'll talk about how we met. So first, but before we do that, actually, if you remember, this was like summer of last year, so summer of 2023. Yeah. And I was on, remember when Threads first launched? Do you remember when Threads, the Instagram, like Twitter thing, launched?
Mm -hmm.
Brittny King (01:39.65)
Yeah, oh yeah, I was in California when it happened. I was like, what did I I was like disconnected and I was like, what did I miss out on?
What is this? Yeah, yeah. Am I too late? Well, I think you and I were both following like Marie Forleo or Mel Robbins or somebody, you know, some of those women in that space. And I think it was Marie Forleo. And she's like, what's one thing you want to do this year that you've been holding back on? And I wrote like, I want to start a podcast. And then you must have seen that because of algorithms. And then you responded and you were like, girl, start the podcast. Like, what are you waiting for in a loving way? And I was like, that was honestly...
Ha ha.
Brittny King (02:09.602)
That's exactly how it was meant.
And it was such a kick in the pants. I was like, frick yeah, like what am I waiting for? And then of course it still took a little bit of time and the timing is always perfect I think, but I really felt your loving motivation and sort of kick in the pants to get going on something because you also have a podcast that you've been doing for I think a couple of years, right?
Hahaha
Brittny King (02:40.162)
Yes, it's honestly other than my relationship with my husband, it's my longest committed relationship and my business. But IV, my podcast is like, it's my way to provide value for people. So it's been a very long commitment. And I'm so surprised because I'm totally a, I'm not, I get some shiny object syndrome of like, oh, what's next? What's next? And I have just stayed very true to podcasting because it was very healing for me without realizing it.
feel the exact same way. I had a lot of resistance with some of the other forms of, I don't know, rapport building and things like that. And podcast felt like a very authentic expression of the message that I wanted to get out, but also the healing work that I needed to do on my own. So I feel very aligned with how you were feeling too.
It's frozen. Can you hear me still?
Brittny King (03:32.45)
Hello?
Alicia Wolfe (03:38.19)
Uh -uh, did I lose internet?
Alicia Wolfe (05:30.615)
Hi.
She's back. I figured I was like, it happens.
My God. I was just... My husband just came into the room and I was like, you know that this is this exact conversation that I had to reschedule last week because the power went out.
I mean, if it goes out again, we can reschedule. I'm open. I'm OK either way.
I know you're so generous. You're so kind. I think it'll be okay, but like, let's see. But what I was saying before I got cut out and I don't know if we need to restart the recording, but...
Brittny King (06:00.61)
No, it said recording the whole time.
What's it say on your end? Does it still say like recording for 20 minutes or 10 minutes or something? Okay, great. So I feel the same way about the podcast. For me, I had a lot of resistance with the other forms of self -expression, whether it be writing or Instagram content or anything like that, but podcasting just feels like such a natural and authentic flow for me, while also being a form of healing my own.
This is recording. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (06:29.911)
limiting beliefs that I have that nobody wants to hear what I have to say. And so it's really been this like active pushing through and working through and healing through some things that have held me back for quite a long time. So I think you and I have had a very similar experience with that.
Mm -hmm.
Brittny King (06:47.554)
You know, what's so interesting about you saying that too is you have different reasons why you believe no one cares what you have to say. And I had different reasons for that too, right? It's like, it's so interesting how all these different things happen to us throughout our life that form these limiting beliefs. But then at the core of it, how similar we all are.
and it's never about what might have created that within ourselves, but it's just the fact of how we experience it and feel it and then how it stops us from moving forward.
Yes, yes, that's so true. And for me, it was really helpful to be able to identify where that limiting voice came from. I'm not sure if you, you know, experienced the same, surely you work with clients on that too. But for me, it was really helpful to just like identify why that limiting voice was constantly coming up. For me, it still does. It's quieter now. It's more in a whisper, which is nice. But for me, it was really helpful to identify where it came from and then be able to...
almost like separate myself from that experience and and you know the the incidents over time and childhood that happened that led me to that and then to be able like I think it's also like I believe that confidence comes from action and so was I a confident podcaster or a confident speaker before I started? No, but I did it anyways and then the confidence comes and and and it's still coming.
Mm -hmm.
Brittny King (08:13.666)
I'm going to go ahead and close the video.
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm, so good. I love it. And I do, I remember commenting on that, by the way. I was like, you just, what are you waiting for? Right, because we think you have to have it all figured out.
So, Brittany, tell...
Just do it, come on, it's not that hard. And in my head it was really hard, you know, it was like, like a hundred percent, a hundred percent. And then really what it came down to was just starting to do the research and asking for help and all of the things that support like women in general and their potential. So, Britt, I'd love to understand more about your...
Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (08:52.247)
business, your life and business coaching business, what you do and how you got there.
Yeah, well, I like to think of myself as just a champion for ideas and dreams. And whether that's an idea within your own personal life or an idea in your professional life, whether that's starting a business or something within your career, I really focus, it's like career in general, which could be your own business. And I work with all sorts of women that have their own businesses, started a business, or just work for.
another company, but I'm just a champion for like tapping into people's fullest potential because one of my gifts is I see it in someone as soon as I meet them. And when they come to me, they don't see what I see yet. And I get so excited to get to show them that, to show them how capable they actually are and the things that hold them back and how to overcome those things that hold them back.
Hmm.
Brittny King (09:56.002)
And one of my biggest focus really has been around this idea of what success is. And we just live in a society that has told us what success is. It's money, it's cars, it's accolades, it's family. It's like having the picture perfect family, the Christmas, all the things, right? And the thing is, we haven't really stopped to ask ourselves, is this my idea of success?
And I think what I love so much about what you're doing is like you've created your own version of success. You have traveled with your family. You have like, like you live in a different place. You're giving them these life experiences that someone might look at that and be like, that's not success. Like that's crazy. How could she do something like that? But I look at it and I'm like, that is so successful because you followed your own path. You've carved your own path and it feels really good and aligned to you and the direction that you're going. And that's what I want to help people create.
Mm.
Brittny King (10:51.778)
I want to help people create their new definition of what success is. And obviously I had to do that myself because before I had my daughter, I was just kind of on that, like, I'm going to have a seven figure coaching business. I was so driven to grow and scale. And I've seen all these other women do it and they were expanding what was possible for me. And it was very much driven by ego.
And also like trying to like prove myself wrong in, and I think it's fun to prove yourself wrong, but I was doing it in like from a very like negative self -doubt driven way. I was constantly doing the most. Like I was before Ellie was born, I was just, I was coaching as much as I could. I was like learning as much as I could. I was just doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, doing.
Hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (11:35.159)
Yeah.
Brittny King (11:49.442)
And all of that doing and taking action was actually stopping me from realizing the success that I already had in my life, that I've already created. And it was almost like I was running away from it. And I was, because I had a fear. I had a fear that if I stopped or if I slowed down, that it would all fall apart. And I know I'm not the only person that has had this experience, but that's where I was at.
Oh wow.
Alicia Wolfe (12:11.511)
and
Brittny King (12:18.594)
And having that moment within myself of being like, what is success to me? And how do I measure that? And how do I want to continue to measure it and then check in with that? It wasn't what society had told me what success is. And I've always gone just a different path. I never like.
followed and this like this must be the steps that I need to take to be, you know, successful in the world. But even by taking a non -traditional path, it's still really easy because it's still the same programming. It's still the same messaging.
Interesting. Same, same -ware. Yeah.
that we've been given as a society. Like we just have at this like deep rooted level that like success is measured by what our external world tells us success is. Either that's the money that you make, right? And we put so much value on it. We put so much value on the money we make, the clothes we wear, the cars we drive. Now don't get me wrong. I like nice things. I will be the first to admit it, but I don't measure my success by that.
Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (13:24.663)
Totally. Yeah. Yeah.
I measure success by how fulfilled I feel, how connected I feel, how present I feel in my own life, how connected I feel to myself, how connected I am to my values. And when I can do that, then it's just like everything just makes sense. I stop chasing things. And I think that this idea really came to me because of this, people would always come to me and be like, I just want to be happy.
Yeah.
Brittny King (13:56.834)
And they'd be like, they're paying me to help them be happy. I was like, really? And at one point in my life, I thought the goal of life was also to be happy. And then when you tie these external things to happiness, it's like, so you're saying you can't be happy unless you have all of these achievements and successes in your life. And starting to ask myself, is it really that's the goal? Is that the goal of life? And.
Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (14:22.359)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
That just kind of led me down a whole different path of helping women in particular. I work with men as well, but women in particular, helping them really see that within themselves and see how successful they actually are and how enough they are without needing to achieve more or do more.
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. It's so powerful. Like everything you've just said, I felt like in my full bones and I got chills multiple times as you were sharing that. Yeah. It's, it can be really difficult. And, and for me, it actually, you know, you've said you've always sort of taken alternative path. I haven't my, my, um, the only way I can describe it is it felt like I looked up for the first time when I was about 34 years old and I was like, Whoa,
this isn't the life that I want. This is the life that I've been told is what success looks like, right? Or what should relate, what should equate to happiness. Great job, you know, tons of accolades in work, really successful, all the degrees, the white picket fence, you know, the kids and all that. And of course I love my husband and children. And there was so much of my life to be grateful for. I don't want to sound like I wasn't.
Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (15:41.015)
but it just wasn't authentic to me. And when I started doing my own exploration and deep self -inquiry work around redefining what success is, and really what it was, was realizing that I have choice and agency in what I want my life to look like. It doesn't have to just be this prescribed plan, as if, you know, a 401k equals safety, equals happiness, like as if that's some proven formula, you know, that...
Mm -hmm.
Brittny King (16:03.746)
Thank you.
And those things are important, but I was really starting to get clear on the fact that I wasn't living my life in alignment with my values, my vision, and just what I wanted for myself and for my family and my children especially. So I think what you are doing for women and you've inspired me so much to do things similarly, we operate in a very similar space is,
is doing that and to help women redefine what success looks like for them through tapping into what's important to them. Because a lot of times we don't even stop to ask ourselves, what do I actually want? What is actually important to me? We just go with the flow, or at least that was my experience.
Yeah, and when you have giving yourself the space to do that, I think is where most women in particular, they just don't have, they don't create it. They don't create the space to do that because there's not a lot of value on doing that for themselves. It's like looked upon as selfish or a waste of time. And we just put a lot of emphasis on our society of just
Yes.
Alicia Wolfe (17:15.127)
Yeah.
Brittny King (17:22.69)
always doing and doing the most. And when you're not doing the most, then you're considered lazy. And, you know, just again, it's I think it just goes to that deep, deep insidious belief that I'm not doing enough. I'm not enough. I'm not good enough. And you can just fill in the blank of whatever enough. But that's really I feel that that seems to be the common theme in the undercurrent with.
Right, right.
Brittny King (17:49.826)
so many women that I work with, but also just society as whole, you can kind of see it almost in everything.
Mm -hmm, mm -hmm, this idea of enoughness, yeah, for sure. And I felt I had definitely an inherited belief that my value was in my productivity. And I still have that to a degree, you know, even though I live in some rural cowboy surf town, there's still this element of like, I'll be having this magical moment on the beach with my children and it's like peak motherhood moment. And I'm like, oh, I really should be getting my email streamlined and dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. It's like, wow, what a massive,
reprogramming and fortunately I have the tools and I know the things to do to help like bring myself back to the present moment and restore and shift into you know what I would call choice but it's a tough unlearning to do.
and it's on such a deep ingrained unconscious level. And you can see, it's like, even if you approach it from one area of your life, it will still show up in another. Like it doesn't just, it's not one of those things where it's like, oh, took care of this, it's gone. Like you have to consciously be working on it and paying attention or else it's very sneaky and it's very insidious. And I think, you know, so many women can relate to tying their worth to their productivity, but.
Yeah.
Alicia Wolfe (18:59.383)
Yes.
Brittny King (19:09.826)
going a layer deeper is like tying their worth to their work and what they do and how they're perceived in the world. And I'm like on a mission to help unravel that for women and help them see that their value is 100 % inherent and that you're just born inherently valuable and worthy. And we just have to do the work. It's who you are. It's your birthright.
Mm -hmm.
Yes.
Alicia Wolfe (19:27.799)
Yes, who you are.
But then you have to do the work to believe it. And it's not as simple as just thinking positive thoughts about it and waking up in the morning and saying, I'm worthy. It's a choice, right? It is a choice. But then you really have to seek the evidence for it because the evidence that you have for the opposing belief is so much stronger. And so I am such a big advocate for worthiness and
Yes.
Brittny King (19:59.874)
being able to see your inherent value. Not to say, you know, the value that you add to whether it's your own business, the world, a company you work for, that's different. Like you can add so much value in so many different ways, but that doesn't have to do with your inherent value. And you have to be willing, you have to be open to distinguishing that and understanding the difference between the two. And that's, you know, really at the root of the work that I do is that.
Right, right.
Alicia Wolfe (20:24.023)
Mm.
Brittny King (20:28.866)
is really helping people believe that they're worthy of their dreams. They're worthy of expressing themselves, of bringing ideas into the world, or living the life that they want to live, whether that's packing up and moving somewhere, or starting a family and focusing on being a stay -at -home mom, and focusing on cultivating that culture within your family, taking care of your family.
Believe that they're worthy. Yes. Yes. And...
Brittny King (20:55.682)
You know, it's not one size fits all. Everybody has different ideas that they want for their life, but every idea is valid and it's true to the person that it's been gifted to. Now we say there's like no new ideas. They're all just recycled, but they're given to people for a reason. Like you were given the idea to start a podcast for a reason. Not everybody is gifted the idea of starting a podcast. It's just they're not.
and
Alicia Wolfe (21:16.79)
Yes.
but you were and so you listened to it and you followed it and then you've created something that's incredibly value that isn't tied to your worth as a human, but just the value that you're adding to the world.
Mm -hmm like a contribution. It's like your contribution rather than like your value Yeah Yeah, that's so Who if Greg you're making me feel good. Um, I I want to ask you a question about something you said earlier, which is that you have the gift to see Possibility or see people's potential before they do Can you say more about that like where do you Where do you feel that that comes from?
to contribution. Exactly.
Brittny King (21:38.114)
Hahaha!
Brittny King (21:58.914)
That's a great question. Something that, you know, it's just this knowing. It's so interesting. Like, I will meet with someone, whether that's, you know, someone that's interested in coaching or conversation. And I, it's like, and maybe it's because I'm a projector in human design. I just like, it's almost like I see this light in them and then I feel it in my body. I'm just like, whoa, this person.
Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (22:26.743)
and
Like they have something, they have something within themselves. They just don't see it yet. They haven't, like there's a lot of things that are blocking them from seeing that. But it's really a feeling, but it is also, I see this like light in them. I see this like glow that they don't see yet. Like it's so interesting. I wish that I could explain it better, but that's kind of how my experience is. And it happens like 10.
Mm -hmm.
Brittny King (22:56.066)
at a 10 times, especially with the clients that I work with. And then, you know, once, you know, they go through and they build this really strong foundation for themselves and we're reflecting back and they start to see what I see, it's always just this like very full circle moment. So I feel like even as I go deeper into my own work, I think my job is truly helping people remember who they are. Like really on like a deep level, because I'm seeing this with my daughter. It's like, you've had this experience too, like your kids are just so them.
Mm.
Brittny King (23:24.418)
Right? Like their essence and they have this sparkle in their eye and there's no denying who they are at their core and it's who they're always going to be. And we are all born that way. We are all born with the same essence of us that make us who we are. And then we get conditioned, we get like social, even like this term with like, at least starting preschool and like, I hate the word socialization. I'm just like,
Yeah.
Brittny King (23:50.978)
This is why we forget who we are because we're socialized to like believe, like to fit in with everyone else. And like, I'm like, my job is to help like maintain and help Ellie remember who she is no matter what phase of life she's in. But that's kind of what I'm finding with my work, especially as I've been exploring breath work, facilitation, and then taking breath work into my coaching practice and helping people connect with themselves on a deeper level. It is all about remembering. And that's kind of what I've seen.
Yeah.
Brittny King (24:19.97)
happen in my sessions is just people being like, oh my gosh, I was this free spirited person. I was like this and I was this and I've just forgotten about her, forgotten about them. And it's just like, yeah, like that's who I see. I think that's who I see as I'm talking about this out loud is like, I see their essence. And so my work, my job is to help them remember that within themselves.
Hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (24:33.751)
Yes.
Alicia Wolfe (24:43.735)
It's such a gift to see potential where and when other people can't. It's almost like you're a visionary. You can see things and you believe in people. I'm the last person on earth to get on board with Enneagram stuff, but it was sent to me and so I started to dive into it a little bit. And the Enneagram that I most closely connected with was an Enneagram 7. And one of the qualities of that number or that
Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (25:12.887)
profile is that they genuinely believe things are going to work out. Like it's all possible. And I feel that for myself, both in just like my life, like, yeah, I'm going to take this risk. I'm going to burn my life down and go take my family abroad with the genuine belief that it's going to work out. Like, it's not fake. There's nothing phony about it. And it's not to say that I don't have self doubts and things that pop in, but I genuinely believe that. When I have clients that come to me and they...
Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (25:37.591)
I'm working with this one woman right now who literally has said that she's like I've forgotten who I was I used to be fun I used to be cool. I used to travel I used to do all these things that were so important to me that made me feel lit up There's nothing in my mind that feels like she's not gonna be able to access that again. I just like no, you know, it's just great Okay, and then like let's let's make it happen and and and give practical tools to bring that back to life and help her access it to help them access that but it's just
Right.
Brittny King (26:03.938)
Mm -hmm.
It's just amazing this gift. And I think you and I are, thank goodness we found ourselves in, we found these gifts and then put ourselves into these roles where we can support other people.
Thank you.
Brittny King (26:15.33)
Totally. I'm also at Enneagram7. Big surprise. And I also, I had one of my past clients send me this really funny reel on Instagram that was about your delusional bestie. How like everybody needs to have a delusional bestie that's like believes in you and believes in what you're capable of and is going to hold you accountable. And that's what we are. We're delusional besties. Which is funny, I shared it with my husband and he's like, that is a hundred percent you. Like you are the one that's like,
Big surprise.
Alicia Wolfe (26:28.791)
Okay.
Alicia Wolfe (26:37.367)
I love it. I'm your delusional bestie.
Brittny King (26:44.706)
Let's make it happen. Like, I believe in you. And I think that's what coaches do for people is we hold the belief until the person believes in themselves. And that's the intangible thing that people come to coaching for strategy and accountability and all these tactical things, which yes, you get that for sure. But what they don't realize is what's happening is I'm holding belief for you. And I'm going to hold it until you believe it. I don't care how long it takes. Even if we stop working together.
Exactly.
Brittny King (27:13.378)
I will still hold the belief because that's just what I do. And it's not, I don't have to try. Like it's just inherent for me. It's very natural. And I know that that's just aligned with my purpose and what I'm here to do. And I always used to say like my purpose is to help other people find their purpose. And it's still very much true, but I think it just keeps going layers and layers deeper. Cause you really have to know who you are and remember who you are in order to find your purpose.
Hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (27:37.335)
deeper. Yeah.
Brittny King (27:41.826)
And even as I'm talking about this, it's kind of funny because, you know, I'm sure you can relate with like motherhood. Like motherhood is like such a identity crisis for, at least for me. Like I just was like, who am I? What am I doing? Like, and it like continues to, but I think that's a part of the remembering who I actually am. Because it really is, it like rocked me in the best way. And it continues to rock me in the best way of asking myself these really big.
Hmm.
Brittny King (28:11.618)
profound questions and not necessarily, not that I don't love the answers, but almost being a little confused or maybe my ego's confused by the answer. I'm like, are you sure that's the answer? Like, it's just like, what is happening? And it's very unearthing. And I think it's on purpose, right? Like that's the transformation into motherhood, but that's, you kind of lose yourself to find yourself. And that's kind of where, like that's where my journey has been, which is exactly where I'm supposed to be. So.
Hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (28:30.679)
Yes.
Alicia Wolfe (28:35.703)
Yes.
Brittny King (28:41.538)
Yeah, it's just interesting to talk about this remembering and then thinking about my own journey of like, I've had multiple identity crisis since having to Ellie.
Yeah.
Alicia Wolfe (28:52.407)
Well, you know what? I hope that I know Ellie is young. I know she's about two, two and a half. And I hope you are all ready and continue to have those conversations with her and sharing that experience of your identity crisis and your grieving of past lives and loving of new life and future life because those conversations are going to be the things that help her as she goes through life. Right? It's so just.
Mm -hmm. Yeah. It's her navigate.
keep sharing those things and it normalizes things too, I think, for our kids and, yeah, just breaking the cycles, you know, those generational cycles, one generation at a time.
generation of time and that work is tough, but it is good. It is good. Frickin work. And you know, it's amazing. I wouldn't, I don't know if I'd ever do it. I mean, I guess if you didn't have a child, I guess you wouldn't have a compelling reason. Maybe you would, but I find that after I had Ellie, my determination to break at least one cycle has been very strong. And I'm like, I will continue to put myself through a lot of discomfort and
It's good hard work.
Brittny King (30:02.37)
seeing a lot of shadows and darkness in order to at least make like a tiny shift in the next generation to come. So yeah, it's good stuff.
It's beautiful. It's good to find those motivators and motherhood is the ultimate parenthood, but motherhood especially. Yeah. Okay. So one of the things, this is the theme that's come up throughout this conversation is, is you supporting women in finding their enoughness, their authenticity, their essence, and then in that, their potential, whether it be in life or in business.
Yeah, there is no one tells you that but it is.
Alicia Wolfe (30:37.783)
I would love to hear from you, or maybe we can co -create this. What do you find are the top five things that hold women back from their authenticity and from their potential?
I love this question. There's one thing at the root of all of it, but I'll share the different areas that I see. And then you tell me if you have anything you want to add. The number one thing that I see, and again, this is all tied to one thing, but I'll break down the different areas. The first thing is having to know how. I need to know exactly how to do it all. I need to make sure everything's certain.
Yes, please.
Brittny King (31:20.674)
and clear before I take the next step. I need to have it all laid out in front of me. So I see that all the time, even with the podcast. On Star Podcast, how do I do it? When we ask ourselves that question, we've never done it before. So of course, our brain's going to say, I don't know. And then it's like, guess we're not going to do it. Don't know how to do it. And so that's the next thing that I see that holds women back is confusion and decision.
Mmm.
Alicia Wolfe (31:28.983)
Yes.
Yeah, totally.
Alicia Wolfe (31:47.895)
Hmm. Yeah.
Right? It's like, well, how am I going to know every step needs to be certain. I don't know how to do it. You know what? We don't know how to do it. Let's not do it. Let's just go back to doing what we know. What we can, what is, you know, our, either where we feel competent or even excellent. You know, if you're familiar with the book, the big leap, um, talks about that, where people get stuck in their zone of excellence because it feels safe there and you get a lot of recognition and you're good there.
Yeah.
Alicia Wolfe (32:00.599)
Right, right.
Alicia Wolfe (32:12.119)
Mm -hmm.
Alicia Wolfe (32:18.391)
Safe, right?
But it's like taking that big leap into the unknown, which sends you into your zone of genius. And so I find that, yeah, that how asking yourself the wrong question, how am I going to get there? The confusion, the indecision, those areas, which all lead to this perfectionist inside of all of us.
and
Brittny King (32:48.194)
I don't think there is a perfect, I don't think there's a person out there that hasn't experienced some form of perfectionism in their life. And it's very insidious in the way that it shows up. Like, it's so funny. I used to like never identify as a perfectionist. The more I got to just work on like, oh, yo, like my perfectionist looks much different than your perfectionist, but they are all saying the same thing. So that.
Mm -hmm.
Oh
Alicia Wolfe (33:12.663)
Still there, yeah.
But then really the inability to feel the negative emotions that come from stepping into something that's unknown. I think the biggest thing that comes up for people is self -doubt and self -doubt is so misunderstood. The self -doubt here must mean I'm not supposed to do it or maybe it means you're supposed to do it. Maybe that means you're closer to your evolution. So I think...
totally.
Brittny King (33:39.33)
the relationship with these emotions and then also the inability to sit with the difficult emotions. Like it comes with the territory. I tell people, I'm like, listen, if you want this, it's not gonna be rainbows and butterflies. I know you've hired me to like feel really good. It's like, you're gonna have moments, but like you're also gonna feel pretty terrible and you're gonna hate me at sometimes because you're gonna not wanna sit with the discomfort, but the discomfort is the way through to what you want. And we don't live in a society that, and I...
and
will speak to this firsthand, I never felt my emotions. I was always too busy to feel my emotions. That's where this idea of like always constantly doing, um, came from, because I was trying to outdo my emotions. I felt like if I could just take action, I could take action away from self doubt. And it, self doubt follows you. It's like spoiler alert. There's no amount of action you can ever take in your life where self doubt will not follow you. So you got to like turn to it, confront it, say, Hey,
Mm -hmm. Exactly.
Alicia Wolfe (34:24.311)
You
Brittny King (34:35.202)
make friends with it, bring it along for the ride. Self -doubt, disappointment, frustration, shame, all of these emotions are a part of the, this is what you sign up for if you wanna tap into your full potential. If you don't want that, which is okay, you don't have to, it's a choice, but if you don't wanna feel those emotions, then that's just kinda stay where you're at, which is totally fine.
and
Alicia Wolfe (34:52.311)
Mm -hmm, it's a choice.
Brittny King (35:01.346)
But you know when you have the whisper and you have the the nudge of like this can't be it There has to be something more and we've so many of us have experienced that especially if you're listening to a podcast called boldly you You've definitely heard the whisper You can't ignore it anymore. And if you do ignore it, let me tell you things will happen in your physical world that will redirect you and Sometimes it's really intense other times It's more just annoyances and it just kind of depends on the scale of how much you've been ignoring it. I
I have this one client and hers was pretty big. She got in a really bad car accident and her journey is so powerful and so amazing, but that car accident woke her up after ignoring all of the other signals. So that's not meant to put fear in you, but if you ignore it long enough, things are going to happen to redirect you and try to wake you up. Pay attention.
Mmm.
Alicia Wolfe (35:47.287)
Mm. Uh -huh. It's coming for ya.
Brittny King (36:00.482)
There's a reason why this keeps coming up. And all of this is tied to one force. And that force is fear. Everything is tied to fear. Perfectionism is tied to fear, indecision, confusion, having to have it all figured out, not being able to feel your emotions. If you can sit and confront fear, then you can have everything you could ever want. Now, this is directly tied to safety.
And this ties to the body. This ties to the nervous system. Because we think that safety is external, which there is an element, right? Your house, food on the table, clothes on your body, having resources to pay for things, right? There's that level of external safety. But we tie so much of safety to career, all these things that play into it to a certain degree, but really,
safety now is like coming from within our bodies and creating a container within ourselves of anchored and safety. And maybe safety doesn't resonate with you. Maybe it's the word grounded. Maybe it's the word anchored, secure, calm, you know, I think protective. There's all these different words that resonate with different people, but feeling really grounded, safe, anchored, connected is...
Mm.
Alicia Wolfe (37:16.343)
protected.
Brittny King (37:27.33)
how you approach this. Because if you feel really grounded and safe, then you can go explore something else without fear taking over. I'm not saying it's not without fear, but because it's all perceived danger at this point. There's certain things that we do in our life that are actually dangerous, but it's very little. Everything else is all perceived. It's getting rejected. It's not being liked. It's all those things.
Yes.
Alicia Wolfe (37:48.919)
Hmm.
But once you work through that and can be grounded in safety, then you could go explore over here. What would this be like? What would this be like? And facing the unknown, because that's where all the possibility lives. So anyway, I don't know how many I list there, but.
Right.
Alicia Wolfe (38:06.391)
Right, right. It's so powerful. No, no, no. I think you five ish, yeah. But it's so great. And wow, fear being the undertone or the umbrella, whichever way you want to look at it, to all the things that are holding us back from accessing our authenticity and accessing what our potential is based on that authenticity. Brittany, I want to ask you one more question.
And this is a big one. And I hope that you, it's not too big of a, it's not a hard ball in like the last five minutes of recording, but because this is a doing podcast and I really like for listeners to take away something that they can apply. Know what would you offer for someone to start exploring the concept of fear, of safety, of grounding.
Love big questions.
Alicia Wolfe (39:05.047)
for themselves? Is there a practice that you can offer?
Hmm.
Yes, that is such a good question. I will backtrack. I want to add one more thing to the things that stop people because it is still tied into fear, but I didn't mention it. And this is what stops a lot of women is comparison.
And we could record a whole different podcast on that. But I do want to make sure that I touch on that because when we look into someone else's, what they're doing, they're already doing it. They're doing it way better than me. Again, it's fear. But when you're in that flavor of comparison, it is a creativity suck. It destroys. It does. So I just wanted to mention that too, because I didn't mention that. And it's very important to make sure that.
Yes. Yes.
Alicia Wolfe (39:43.575)
Suck. Yeah. Anchor. That's right.
Alicia Wolfe (39:50.519)
Yeah, thank you.
anyone listening, if they find themselves comparing. There's a difference between being inspired and expansive by certain people, like I was to you. And you can feel it's a difference in your body. It's like, how do I know if someone's inspiring me or if I'm comparing myself? It's how you feel when you consume or you look at what they're doing. And that's a really big piece of why people don't move forward. Someone else is already doing it. They're doing it really well. I don't need to do it. So why? Why even bother?
Yeah, right.
Alicia Wolfe (40:11.351)
Right.
Alicia Wolfe (40:18.263)
Right, right. And you know what I would say to that? I would say to that, like, you basically are doing exactly what I'm doing. And I would argue that you're 10 to 20 steps ahead of me if we're looking at things on the linear path, which we're not, but if we were, right? I could tell myself, well, she's already got this covered. But guess what? There's like 7 billion people on the planet. There's not a, right, right. There's not a scarcity of.
Mm -hmm.
Brittny King (40:36.098)
Mm -hmm.
Brittny King (40:39.618)
Yes, and no one is going to say it the way that you're going to say it. You know what I mean? Even... No!
availability of people to touch and impact and and we're gonna connect so I just I want people to remember that when they're like on Instagram and they're seeing like oh well so -and -so's already got this podcast and so -and -so's already doing this whatever it is there's seven billion people on this planet that you can impact like don't let that hold you back.
Yeah.
Brittny King (41:02.146)
Totally. Oh my gosh. A thousand percent. And it's like, and no one's going to use it, like speak to whatever you're speaking to with your vocation, with your experience. And there's no shortage of people that need support and, and just making sure they don't feel alone. So, yeah, I love that you said that. Okay. Now going back to your other question of, because you know, this is a doing podcast and having some sort of action tied to this. So,
Mm.
Brittny King (41:32.002)
Yes, the answer is you can create internal safety. It's a practice like anything else. The first thing you want to understand is how your body feels when you don't feel safe. Because that's why we want to do something and then we go back into safety. We're like, oh, we want to go back into our cave. Because that's what our ancestors did. But listen, if our ancestors went back into the cave, we would not be here. They had to have the courage to go into the unknown. And who knows what was around the next corner, what saber to tiger or flash flood or whatever.
and
Alicia Wolfe (41:54.263)
Right.
Brittny King (42:02.082)
whatever danger that they were actually in. Like if our ancestors did not do that, we would not be here. So like we can, we don't have a lot of excuses. We like, I'm like, we got to get out of our cave, but you can only get out of your cave with creating safety from within. Safety connection is the key. And the first thing to know is how your body feels when you don't feel safe. Where do you hold tension? If you, if, if you're like, I don't know.
Totally.
Alicia Wolfe (42:18.551)
Mm -hmm.
Brittny King (42:31.074)
You're like, I don't know why I don't feel safe. Go inside. How's your jaw? Are you clenching your jaw? Are your shoulders and your ears? Is your stomach in knots? Where is the tension? So I have this saying where it's like intention, attention, no tension. So with the intention of going into your body to know where the tension is, or bringing attention to where the tension is, that releases the tension. Because really what you want to do is,
Cool.
Brittny King (43:00.578)
Establish external safety, right? I'm in my space. We're good. We're safe. Internal safety. Do I feel safe? No. I want to say yes, but my body's telling me no. Tummy's a not. My jaw is so clenched. And then you want to do a way to relax your body. If you can find acute relaxation, which is just quick relaxation, whether that's breath work, somatic movement, shaking your body, dancing.
Mm -hmm.
and
Brittny King (43:30.37)
even doing just pelvic tilts and pelvic floor exercise where you can actually squeeze your pelvic floor and release it. Those exercises actually stimulate your body to go into rest and digest. It activates the vagus nerve. Humming is really great for that too. When you activate the vagus nerve, what you're saying is we're not under attack. There is no actual danger. That perceived threat that I got of me like,
Mmm. Mmm.
Brittny King (43:59.874)
posting something on Instagram or putting my podcast out there is not real. We're good. Oh, well, because physiologically, 1 ,000%. I remember the first time I ever posted that I was a coach, I wanted to throw up and die and go back into my cave. I wish I knew this then. But it's funny because I've always had practices that now I realize were me establishing safety without me realizing having the language to connect with it.
Right, right, but it does can feel like that, right? It can feel like we're gonna die.
Alicia Wolfe (44:15.831)
Yeah.
Brittny King (44:28.834)
But if you can create safety within yourself, you have to know when you don't feel safe and then you have to know when you do feel safe. And so what I like to do is I walk people through a guided meditation with breath work. I help them resource a time where they did feel safe and where they did feel grounded. And then we just spend time feeling that emotion and anchoring it to a part in their body so then they can access it. And then they can access it whenever they start to leave their body. Because that's what happens when something stressful or we're perceiving as,
Hmm.
Brittny King (44:56.77)
dangerous, we leave our bodies because we need to go into defense mode. We need to protect ourselves. Our number, our brain's job is survival. So our job in this like, you know, this modern world and with our conscious mind to be like, we're not under attack. There is no real danger here. And then once you come back down, you're back in your body, then you're really able to take action. You're able to, because it's really not the action. It's that feeling that's driving it.
Hmm.
Brittny King (45:26.146)
Feelings drive action. So if you're feeling afraid, you're not going to take action. That will create the result you want. And I say feeling afraid. You're not actually feeling the emotion of fear. You're avoiding the emotion of fear. So what you're doing is taking action away from it. Same with self -doubt. But can you sit with it? Can you just be familiar and allow this emotion of doubt and know that it's a part of it? Disappointment, rejection. Ooh, rejection is the tough. That's why people don't follow.
Right, right.
Brittny King (45:55.81)
what they want because they are so afraid of being rejected. Can you find parts of yourself that you can accept? Can you? And I love, you know, it's like for mean girls, it's like, but did you die? It's like the more that you can put yourself in situations to get rejected and then you realize like, oh, I'm not going to die. Like primitively, we think we're going to die. We think if we're going to get kicked out of the tribe that we won't survive, which back in the day might have been true. Nowadays, it's not.
right?
Brittny King (46:23.682)
We'll find a new tribe. We'll find new community. We'll find people that vibe with us. It's not a big deal. But again, higher brain knows that. Nervous system's like, no, we are not going to risk rejection here. But can you transform it by being able to be like, I'm feeling rejected right now? Can I process this and allow it to be here, anchor in safety? And then you can take actions to move forward. So I don't know. I hope that answered your question.
No, we're cavemen. Yep.
Alicia Wolfe (46:44.279)
Yes. Frick yeah girl, oh my gosh. When we create space to listen to our bodies, because our bodies are innately intelligent and they're always telling us things, whether we pay attention or listen or not, when we can listen to it, identify it and redirect it and do the things we know to do to sort of shift and restore and all of the things like, yeah. And it's an active practice. So it starts small and the little shifts become the big shifts.
Yeah.
Brittany, thank you so much for that sage advice, that wisdom you just dropped. I love this and thank you for sharing your story. We'll put in the show notes and everything, how to find you. I know people will be so keen to learn more about what you offer and your perspectives on things. So thank you for your time and energy today.
You're so.
Brittny King (47:33.794)
Of course, thank you so much for having me and thank you for following your whisper to start the podcast and share your message with your community because they need it. And it's like, you know, it's the most selfless thing you can do.
Thank you, thank you for that reminder. And you too, thank you for being an inspiration to so many, including myself. Okay, be well, Brit, take care.
Thank you. Thank you. So good to see you. Let's I want to do like a proper catch up, but we'll we'll do that. But yeah, let me know when this goes live.
Yeah.
