Alicia (00:01.045)
normal. Oh, the other thing I'll say too, before I even do the opening is this is only audio. So I know it's on video. I use the videos, 15 second clips for Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, like whatever it is. So that's why we do video, but don't worry about like how your hair looks or like anything like that, because literally 15 seconds of it will be like recorded. Okay. Here we go.
Aubrey Kellar (00:24.841)
Okay.
Alicia (00:30.669)
Okay. Hey, and welcome to the Boldly You podcast. I'm your host as always, Alicia and founder of Integrate Well Coaching. I'm so happy to have you here with me today. My guest today is Aubrey Keller. Aubrey is a yoga teacher. She's a mama of an almost two-year-old baby girl, and she's a recent friend of mine. So Aubrey, before I retell the story about how we met, welcome. I'm so happy to have you.
Aubrey Kellar (00:59.41)
Thank you. I'm so happy and proud that you're doing this and I'm really happy to be here.
Alicia (01:03.361)
Oh, thank you. Thank you for saying that you're proud. I received that. I received that compliment. Um, where are you calling in from? Tell people where you are. And then that I think will nicely flow into the story of how we met.
Aubrey Kellar (01:09.56)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (01:16.506)
Yeah, so currently I'm in Columbia, South Carolina, kind of my hometown. I grew up about 15 minutes from here in Lexington, right in the middle of the state, right in the middle of winter. So yeah.
Alicia (01:30.622)
But Aubrey also used to live in Mexico and has traveled, I think, quite extensively through Central America. So we were just talking before we hit record about how she's missing Latin America and we're already building a plan for her to come down and teach yoga at La Colectiva and have her daughter in the school here. And yeah, we'll be reunited soon.
Aubrey Kellar (01:51.51)
That's right. So many exciting things. I definitely miss myself of the border.
Alicia (01:57.833)
Yes, soon you will be reunited. Okay, let's just dive in and tell the people how we met. And I feel really compelled to share this story and maybe I'll start and then you can take it from there as sort of I started the endeavor and you've taken it from there. And I feel really called to share the story, A, because it was really profound for me and my own experience, as well as
I was recently doing some group coaching with some women here in Panama. And so many of them, when we talked about the thing that they're missing in their life was community and a group of authentic friendships. And I just got chills when I said that, which is always like an indicator for me that that's like, yeah, okay, this is a story I'm meaning to tell. Um, and so I just really want to share how this came to be. So.
Some of you know, and if you don't know, go back to episode one and listen to my solo episode, but I'll give you the Cliffs Notes now. My family and I traveled for a year with our daughters. We traveled through the United States and through Latin America before coming to Panama and essentially deciding to make this home. In May of 2023, in May of 2023,
We went back to the United States to live with my in-laws for four months while we sort of regrounded, finished selling some things, spent some quality time with them and just spent like a beautiful summer by the lake because there's just something about a lake in the summertime. And so I was living in Lexington, South Carolina, and I had my beautiful family and my in-laws, but I had no one else. And I was like going to this one yoga studio, which was lovely, but I was, I was just like missing.
Aubrey Kellar (03:24.581)
So, I'm going to go ahead and start the presentation. presentation of the
Alicia (03:47.345)
like female friendships. I have such an incredible group of female friends here. I did back in my, in my past life in Seattle and, and I was just missing it. So I thought, what am I going to do? How am I going to find friends? I'm, I'm not having any luck thus far. So I went on to Facebook, which I never do. I had done in fact, I think I had to like redownload it.
the happenings in Lexington, South Carolina Facebook channel. And it's like a group where people be like, where do you get your oil changed? And like, oh, there's an accident on whatever highway. Don't go there. And I got all my courage up, and I wrote a post. And I said, hi, I'm new here. I am looking for a community of female, spiritually-minded female friends who want to talk about the moon.
their personal development and support one another through the messiness of being human and the human experience. And I said, does this exist? And if so, can I join?
And then I closed my computer and I said, okay, that was like kind of scary to do that, to just put myself out there. Um, and then I came back maybe two hours later and there were like 50 responses. And I was like, okay, well, 50 notifications crazy. So I click on it and it's people saying it doesn't exist, but if you find one, I'll join or yes, this is needed, or I've been here for five years and I still don't have any friends or.
Aubrey Kellar (05:11.796)
Yeah.
Alicia (05:26.541)
You know, I'm a new mama and I'm in a new circle of life or new stage of life. And I need this as well. And, and so I waited, I waited for people to say like, yes, this exists, come join this group and yes, this exists. And it never came. And then I kept getting more responses that said, if you created it, I would join, um, I want this too. And I waited like 24 hours and I got, and I had about 250 responses from women, Aubrey being one of them saying.
Aubrey Kellar (05:50.244)
I'm going to go ahead and turn it over to you. So, I'm going to go ahead and turn it over to you. So, I'm
Alicia (05:55.761)
I need this too. If you created it, I would join. I said, I think I have to do this. Like, I think this is my calling and my contribution to this community for this, the time that I'm here. I don't know exactly what it's going to look like, but it's clearly needed. It's clearly there's a, there's this universal desire. I don't know if it's just at Lexington, but I sense it's everywhere. There's this universal desire for in person.
authentic, vulnerable, beautiful connection. And so I created this Facebook group and we called it together. I called it together, Lexington, South Carolina. And I started inviting people over to my house. And I remember hosting my very first full moon circle on my in-laws front yard. I think they were like, you are a witch. What are you doing? I'm like burning all these incense and.
Lennox was my oldest daughter was like super into it too. And it just became this space where women could come together vulnerably. I think not one person that ever came like was tied to another person. Like everybody was just new and meeting one another. And it evolved, more people got involved. We did moon circles, we did coffee chats, like stroll, like walks along the lake.
paddle boarding, I mean, just all these things. And the conversation and the connection that would come from it was just, I don't know, I would just get so much validation and verbal validation of like, thank you for creating this. I needed this. I haven't gotten out of my house in like six months kind of thing. And so I spent four months doing that while I was living in Lexington, South Carolina. And it was an absolute saving grace, I'll say. Like for me and my time there, it created meaning.
it created more of a spiritual and emotional connection to the place. And I got to meet a lot of really fricking cool women and Aubrey being one of them. And she and I had like such a great connection. I think it was the, maybe the June moon circle or the July moon circle that you came to. And right off the bat, I was like, okay, this girl's in. I don't know what kind of like, you know, role she's gonna play in this. But I, because I knew I had an end date, I was like sort of
Alicia (08:15.453)
vibing like, okay, who's going to take over these things when I leave because I don't want it to be this thing that just gets created and then it falls flat. So that's when Aubrey and I met and she learned that I was leaving eventually and we just started the conversation about what that could look like. So I'm super grateful and Aubrey has taken it and run with it. So she and another gal, another woman have sort of, I guess, co-admined the process and evolved it and grown it and
I checked yesterday because I was just curious. Like sometimes I go on there just to like see and you guys are so active and beautiful on there, but has 480 members.
Aubrey Kellar (08:53.791)
Yeah, it's incredible. And I mean, like ever since June, ever since the Full Moon Circle, we've done one every month and sometimes it's the same people and every time there's new people. And every time you write, you get that validation of like, wow, I needed this. Wow, I didn't know this existed.
I haven't gotten out of my house. I've heard some incredible, incredible stories, a lot of them really personal, and going through something. And so just having that space for them, it's like some people come in and they're like, this is my therapy. And I'm like, well, you know, but also like how beautiful and beautiful that it can be an extra space, you know? And maybe even a safer space because, you know, in therapy you're paying for it and there's kind of,
Alicia (09:18.927)
Hmm
Alicia (09:35.631)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (09:41.706)
I don't know, maybe like a little bit of an ultimatum, like you have to get something out of it or the therapist has to see your progress or something. And this is just completely, completely safe base to come and just be you. And that's usually what I kind of advertise for it, quote unquote advertise is like, just come and like do anything we're just being, you know, we're human beings. And it's been really, really incredible.
Alicia (09:49.326)
Right.
Alicia (10:00.521)
Yeah, promote, yeah.
Alicia (10:06.148)
Yeah.
Alicia (10:11.302)
Aw. Why, well, tell us, tell me why, and our listeners, whoever's listening, tell us what made you feel compelled to join or like, not join, because it's not like a, it's not like a join thing. Like there's no anything. It's just like, what made you feel compelled to come and then keep coming?
Aubrey Kellar (10:30.794)
Yeah, to show up. I mean, so I grew up in Lexington and I've always thought of it. It's a very Christian based community, a very religious based community. And I've been out of this place for close to 10 years now. And I've experienced different communities, different ways of being spiritual outside of religion that I had absolutely no faith.
Alicia (10:38.233)
Mmm.
Aubrey Kellar (10:59.194)
existed in Lexington. When I saw your post I was like oh my god what divine timing like I came back in June and so when I saw your post I was like wow there's somebody doing this here because I had these kind of intentions or plans in my mind of bringing something different back home with me like I knew I needed to or I wasn't gonna be able to stay here for very long and then I was like
Alicia (11:00.529)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Alicia (11:08.932)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (11:26.73)
Oh my God, it's here already, you know? And yeah, I think just kind of experiencing stuff outside of here that I can just very clearly is needed here because I'm from here. That's the why, that's what brought me immediately, just like, yes, it's here, I'm going. Let's see where it leads.
Alicia (11:29.133)
Wow, yeah.
Alicia (11:39.989)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Alicia (11:47.741)
Yeah, so beautiful. And yeah, I had to be very specific. I think I even put in the post, I'm looking for a community of spiritual, parentheses, not religious. That's beautiful. If that's your thing, there's tons of groups already that exist, but this was spiritual, connection to self, connection to the universe, connection to source, whatever, God, if that's what it is. But I was very specific about making sure that it was defining what it is.
And you know, and the fact that's a pretty important thing, I think, to bring up is like anytime you're bringing a group of people together or starting a group, it's important to have a really clear why and a really clear purpose in defining it so that you attract or you bring in or invite in the correct people that are going to be a part of what it is. Even if it's a group of five people, I had no freaking idea what this was going to become. I was like...
I don't know, maybe there's like five people that I'm going to meet and great. If I have five friends, like by the time I leave here, that, that will be such a huge win. It's five more than I've got now. So, um, just when you're thinking about your own version of this and Aubrey, I want to ask you a question about like, what advice would you give to someone who's feeling the same thing? But one thing I'll say first is like, when you're thinking about what is it that you're missing...
Go create it. Don't wait to find it. Go create it. And then, but be super clear about what it is that you're creating. Um, because that's going to impact. The people that you kind of, um, that you, that become a part of it. So Aubrey, what advice, well, first of all, tell me the updates. Like I see from afar on, on Facebook, like the different things that you're doing, but I don't know, share like what it's been like to take this over. Cause I think when I handed like handed it off.
It was like 250, maybe 300 people. Like, you know, I don't even know how many it was, but tell me how it's grown and what's been the experience of it.
Aubrey Kellar (13:48.033)
Yeah, I mean, I'm, you know, Heather, or our other counterpart here, she's always kind of like, okay, what group did you post this in? Why are there so many people joining? And I don't do it, you know, cross post anymore, because I think that enough people are just finding what they need and being called to it. And so I always joke with her like it wasn't me.
Alicia (13:57.834)
Uh huh.
Aubrey Kellar (14:08.15)
people just need this, you know, like they're just finding it or it's word of mouth. You know, she and I both teach yoga and so I think we get a lot of people in from those communities like we've been teaching a lot more. I think since she left, it's kind of picked up the yoga spaces. So a lot of people are feeling called to it and we can bring them to it from our yoga spaces. I think that's how it's grown.
Alicia (14:10.469)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (14:36.974)
I haven't done, well, I did do an astrology workshop and I used the Together group to kind of quote unquote promote that and then from there, I also linked it to Eventbrite, so if anybody didn't find it through Together, then they got to know about Together from coming to the workshop. And so that's, it's really grown, yeah.
Alicia (14:55.13)
Mm-hmm. Cool.
Alicia (15:00.813)
really organically and it sounds like, you know, the different funnels or channels or whatever in which you're meeting people. And we're not, I don't think Aubrey and I, either one of us is saying like, the only way to make friends is to like start a Facebook group. But I think just having the intention of the type of people you want to spend your time with and you want to surround you is like go to those places. Like whether it be online or in person, I think we're all a little bit sick and tired of online communities. So like,
what is the physical version of that beautiful online community that you could create?
Aubrey Kellar (15:35.227)
Yeah, and I think why I think this worked so well because you did it for you, you know what I mean? And like, we're like, I need this, I'm here, I need this. And just being honest and speaking your truth and following your intuition. And then there's a million other people, obviously, 430 other people or whatever you said that also need this. And I think, I think that would be my suggestion is that if you feel like you need
Alicia (15:42.054)
Mm.
Alicia (15:51.086)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (16:02.254)
thing, then do it for you. And there are also going to be other people that need the same thing that feel like you're doing it for them. And then you ultimately are doing it for them, you know.
Alicia (16:14.813)
Right, right. It's this idea of like, starting with why, and then the what and the how can come, right? But if you're really clear on what it is, and in my case, it was because I wanted friends, and I was lonely and, and wanted to, I didn't even have this desire to create anything, I just wanted to be a part of something. And so
Aubrey Kellar (16:19.672)
Mm-hmm.
Alicia (16:38.229)
knowing that being my driving force made everything else feel like an easy yes when I saw the universal demand and desire to have the same thing.
Aubrey Kellar (16:49.632)
Yeah, and this happens to me sometimes when I teach because it's been a little bit difficult to come back after so long and go teach yoga and get, you know, a big class to show up. A lot of times I'm teaching to one, two, three students, but I have to remind myself, like, I'm doing this for me because I love yoga and I love to teach, I love to share it. So I can't do it for myself.
Alicia (16:57.425)
Hmm.
Alicia (17:08.26)
right.
Aubrey Kellar (17:11.55)
And then eventually you get some consistent people. And if it's the same two people, I have a Wednesday night class, it's the same two people that show up every time and they text me the next day and tell me they feel great. And I'm like, that's good enough for me. And the good enough reason to do these things, to have these communities. Keep putting it out there.
Alicia (17:24.804)
Yeah.
Alicia (17:33.225)
Yeah, yeah. It's such a good reminder is to like remember your purpose when, I don't know, things don't pan out exactly maybe as you thought they would, right? Or not even that. Maybe it's like when things get challenging, right? Like in you rebuilding your community of students and of me, I'm about to open a new physical like brick and mortar business here in the jungle. Like,
It might not look exactly like I want it to, when it opens, it might not be full membership of coworking, you know, full, fully booked out or, you know, every class, every yoga class that my business partner Lauren teaches is full. It's probably not going to look like that. So there's likely going to be a really intentional practice for me to have that. Like remember your why, like remember why you created it and then trust that your heart and your
Aubrey Kellar (18:15.204)
Okay.
Alicia (18:29.105)
passion and your why will create and trust in that process.
Aubrey Kellar (18:35.101)
Yeah, yeah, it will bring other people, it will also become other people's. Why? Because I think we do, a lot of us do share the same goals and intentions and purposes, but maybe we don't talk about them or maybe there's not space to talk about them, you know, in this society. We're all supposed to go to college and get a job and blah, blah. Or why don't we?
Alicia (18:51.066)
Yeah.
Alicia (18:55.301)
That's right.
Aubrey Kellar (18:56.386)
women circles a lot of times, or our purpose, our goals don't look like women circles a lot of times, but that's actually what people need. So we do it for us and then we're ultimately doing it for the community, you know. We have to trust that.
Alicia (19:10.593)
Yeah, a hundred percent. Say more about that, like about this whole idea of like the linear path being like you graduate high school and then you go to university and then you get the job and the 401k and then you get the house with the white picket fence and the partner and the kids and you work till you're 60 and you know, like talk to me about your sort of thoughts on all of that.
Aubrey Kellar (19:35.666)
Yeah, so you sent out some things before the call and one of them was about defining success and this is exactly what kind of came to my mind. It's like, okay, when I think about how do I, how have I defined success in the past? Well, when I was 18 years old, success was what everybody told me success was. It was going to college, it was earning money, it was getting married and buying a house. And then, you know,
as I started kind of seeing the world, growing my perspective, talking to people like you, and I moved to a beach town where there were just different, people with kind of different mindsets than, you know, beach towns. Beach towns, it's beach people. They kind of live out on the edge, literally like in a different world. And I started to feel, okay, well, this isn't, this isn't, this feels more aligned with me, where these people are, you know, living.
Alicia (20:19.045)
Yeah.
Alicia (20:31.018)
Uh-huh.
Aubrey Kellar (20:33.346)
however they want, not like everything that I've been told. And so of course, for me, I had to take my first definition of success and just burn it to the ground, literally, go out into the world.
Alicia (20:46.861)
Yeah. And like, was it hard to do? Like, how did you do that? Because that's like a huge unlearning. It's like everything you've been told for 18 years or however old you were, it's like, you can't just like make a new choice. Like, what was that process like for you to like unlearn this is the path to success?
Aubrey Kellar (21:05.03)
I think definitely it took more than 18 years because it was 30 years old when it burned it all to the ground.
Alicia (21:10.225)
Okay, great. Okay. So 30 years of this is what you should be doing. This is how you live your life. This is what success looks like. What was that process of unlearning for you?
Aubrey Kellar (21:22.154)
Yeah, and I think it was, I mean, a lot of it was just trial and error, you know, like I did the things, I tried them, I tried to make them work, but I just knew there was like this burning guttural feeling that it was. So I mean, the process looked like, you know, just kind of putting myself out there, like I started going to yoga, I learned that there were just different kind of views of the world, different takes on spirituality outside Christianity outside religion, that was a big part of it for me.
Alicia (21:32.027)
No.
Alicia (21:51.217)
Hmm.
Aubrey Kellar (21:52.786)
where that was the mainstream and I think yeah a lot of the Christian values align well with that whole like get married have a family buy a house and so once I started kind of learning like yoga principles and philosophy that expanded my mind in a way I started traveling a lot outside of the country that changed your perspective a whole lot you just yeah other
Alicia (21:55.118)
Sure.
Alicia (22:16.881)
Big time, big time, right? Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (22:20.79)
live and everything. And then I think it was just kind of admitting to myself that it's okay to start over, you know, because I felt like, I had moments in my life where I thought there's no way I can start over. I'm in this now. I'm in a marriage, I have a house, I have a career, like I'm stuck, you know what I mean? But then, I don't know, I think you just have to think about it every day. Think about what you want. This is like meditation in a way.
Alicia (22:29.258)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (22:49.174)
I want to be on my own. I want to be living outside this country. I want this. And I thought about it every day for a really, really long time. And then eventually I just left. Eventually I think, my ex, he could feel it. You know what I mean? We were still close. So he could tell that I was changing and that I was needing different things. And so I think you just have to keep, man, I mean, keep, manifesting sounds so philosophical,
people like, every day, what I want, this is what I want, this is what I want. And eventually like the ground's just gonna crumble beneath you, you're gonna get what you ask for. And yeah, and so then I, yeah, I left, left it all.
Alicia (23:20.003)
Yeah.
Alicia (23:28.997)
Yeah.
Alicia (23:33.136)
Yeah.
Alicia (23:37.705)
Okay. You said so many amazing things and I feel like the title of this episode is going to be like, it's okay to start over. Like that's the like mic drop that I've already just heard. And again, chills. So I know that's it.
Alicia (23:54.061)
What did I want to ask? Okay. So often we focus on the things that we don't want. Right. I don't want to work in a dead end job or I don't want to get a divorce or I don't want to, you know, and, and what I'm hearing from you is that you focused all your energy on all the things that you do want. Tell me.
Aubrey Kellar (24:17.005)
Yeah.
Alicia (24:18.621)
Why that's different and why you think it's more powerful to focus on the things that you do want versus spiraling and staying in your head about all the things that you don't want.
Aubrey Kellar (24:31.138)
So I guess it really just comes down to what is more powerful. Like, oh, this is hard because I want to say, positivity is more powerful than negativity. And I hope that that's what you don't know. I mean, sometimes you see the things happen around the world, and you see our leaders, and you see all this daunting shit every day, and you're like, this is true. But I think I just have to hold that close to me that is true. And I mean, even the work.
don't and do. Like this is a negative word of the English which don't and do is a positive word. And I think that if you just kind of hold close to those things that feel more positive, it becomes like also more powerful. And like you're never going to get anywhere by saying I don't want this, I don't want this, I don't want this. Okay, so what you want, you know what I mean? Like you can't go after what you don't want really. It's
Alicia (25:21.617)
That's right.
Alicia (25:25.029)
Totally.
There's no action to take to go towards something you don't want. Right. Whereas when you're focusing on the things that you do want, there's something to steer your ship towards every day there's, there's like action that you can take that aligns you to that thing that you do want.
Aubrey Kellar (25:42.77)
Yeah, because I think if you're saying like, okay, I don't want this. You're right. I mean, then, okay, how do I, how do I get away from it or how do I avoid it to do something about it? You know? Yeah.
Alicia (25:51.193)
Right, that's right.
Yeah. So rather than saying something like, I don't want to be stuck in a dead end job. What you could say is I want to be working in a career where I'm flourishing. And there's a difference there, or I don't want to get a divorce versus I want to have a thriving and happy partnership with someone, right? And there's something to actually work towards when you focus on that. So.
Aubrey Kellar (26:07.564)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (26:21.367)
Yeah.
Alicia (26:24.757)
Listeners, this is actually an exercise that I do with clients. It's one of the very first things that I do. So any of my clients are listening, they're like, Oh, we know where she was going with this, um, it's called the power of knowing what you want. And it's super simple. So if you're listening, go grab a push pause, go grab a notebook and a pen, take out the pay, take out a piece of paper and draw a huge circle on it. And inside that circle, I want you to write down everything that you want in your life. Between now.
Aubrey Kellar (26:32.494)
I'm gonna go.
Alicia (26:52.313)
and the rest of your life. And they can be tangible things like a three bedroom house or a house in the south of France or three kids or a Volkswagen van. They can be tangible things. Or they could also be intangible things, ideas, emotions, confidence, ease. Every time I've done this exercise, ease is always in the biggest letters. I just want ease and flow. What are all the things that you want in your life?
and write those down, spend as much time as you need and then do it and then come back. And then on the outside of your circle, write the things you don't want. I don't want complacency, I don't wanna get divorced. And what this exercise does is it almost creates like a boundary shield between the things that you want and allows you to really focus in on the things that you want while pushing out the things that you don't. And it can just be
so simple, but provide so much clarity. And you can do this for your life as a whole. You can do it for this year. You could do it for a meeting that you're going into. It's really just an intention setting exercise that involves a bit of manifestation and like focus on it, right? Because I believe, and I know you said it sounds a little like witchy or whatever you said, but
I believe in the power of manifestation, not just as a woo thing, as a fucking scientific like thing where what you focus on, you attract. And so if you're focusing on all the shit you don't want, guess what? You're going to get more of that. But if you're focusing on what you do want, it's going to come.
Aubrey Kellar (28:37.215)
So when you're practicing yoga, there's a saying, so when you're holding a pose, it can be kind of, maybe it makes more sense if you're holding a challenging pose. So think about some kind of challenging yoga pose where you're bouncing on one leg or something like this.
Alicia (28:53.029)
Let's say tree pose. You're in tree pose.
Aubrey Kellar (28:55.806)
entry pose, right? And you're trying to squeeze and like hold and everything. You have a focal point which is called your drishti in Sanskrit. And this is where your drishti goes, your energy flows. So if you're holding this pose and you're looking down, you're going down. But if you're holding this pose and you're looking up, right? You're growing, you're looking up, you're looking up. And this is like manifestation in a very simple, like it's literal, it's physical.
but you're focused on one thing, and if you're looking down, then that's where you're going. You're gonna fall down, but if you're looking out, you're going up, then you're going up. You're staying up, and it works. I've practiced yoga, and I think that's, I went to India to do my yoga training, and this was the pivotal moment of, I came back here to the States after that, and I left my marriage, and that was the end of that cycle for me.
Alicia (29:31.524)
Yeah.
Alicia (29:37.637)
that works.
Aubrey Kellar (29:55.018)
Um, but, and I've always had a hard time with the meditation part, but when I was, you know, we were in like, not forced, but it was part of the yoga teacher training. So we were in forced meditation every day and something to focus on. Like I had to pick a focal point because of course the patient is to clear your mind of thoughts, but that's so hard. I mean, people's sad news and people spend lifetimes trying to master this. So if you pick one thing to focus on. And for me, it was. Just, you know, like.
Alicia (30:15.075)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (30:24.498)
ending that cycle. I wanted to start fresh, I wanted to start something new, I needed to be on my own, I've been married since a very young age. So that's what I thought about, that's what I focused on every day in my meditation. And then literally he and I spent like three more weeks together and that was the end. And so I really think I made it happen by focusing on it, you know. Like I made it happen by focusing on it.
Alicia (30:48.557)
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Thank you for sharing that story. That's really profound. And what I'm taking away from that is that meditation doesn't have to just be this thing where I'm forcing myself into trying to clear my mind because that's literally impossible. And what I'm going to do probably right after this call and listeners, I'd encourage you to do the same is sit down. Well, okay, go back to your circle because we know you've already done it.
Go back to your circle, pick something in there that you want. Pick something in there that you want to focus on attracting into your life and just use that as your drishti, your focal point in your mind and in your heart and in your body during your meditation. That's so powerful. Thank you for that, for that gift of reframing meditation for me.
Aubrey Kellar (31:44.062)
Yeah. And I mean, you know, 24 year old me thought that sounded really woo woo. And I, like, I don't even know if I fully believed it when I was doing it. Like, is this going to work? You know what I mean?
Alicia (31:51.161)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (31:58.262)
But give it a try, what do you have to lose?
Alicia (32:01.977)
Yeah. Well, and for me, you know what I also connect to while you were talking about the Drishti, I was like, Oh my God, yeah. Like surfing, surfing and my surf coach, I'm doing a women's surf coach, uh, like a women's surf month long weekly lessons. And it's been so freaking amazing. Um, and my teacher Margot, uh, she's incredible. She like moved here from France and just like started her life over and she's built this
Aubrey Kellar (32:10.753)
Oooo
Alicia (32:29.893)
beautiful business where she hosts retreats and skateboarding and surfing. But anyway, um, where you focus on you go. And so when I'm surfing and I pop up and I'm looking at my feet, guess where I'm going to go into the ocean.
Aubrey Kellar (32:38.828)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (32:46.262)
You know, I wish I applied this because I've always wanted to surf and I've just never really given it like the good try that I need to and I will. But I never thought about applying that to surfing. That makes a whole. Okay, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do a little bit of a
Alicia (32:53.796)
Yeah.
Alicia (32:59.021)
Yes, totally. And if you're trying to like move, like if you're like, cause this is okay. If you don't care about serving fast forward 30 seconds, but, um, if you're trying to turn, cause you don't want to go straight, cause if you go straight, you're just riding it all the way in and then you got a pad all the way back. And it's super a ton of work, but you want to ride the way up to the left or the right. And so shifting, I can't go to the left if I'm looking straight ahead. Right? So putting your perspective.
Aubrey Kellar (33:22.126)
Thank you. Yeah.
Alicia (33:24.657)
towards a tree or a house or whatever it is up on the hillside or on the beach that you want to go towards, it's like you're going to go there. And so I'm hearing Margaux's... That's right. I'm hearing Margaux's voice in my head being like, look where you want to go. Look where you want to go. So look where you want to go. Just look where you want to go, everybody. Just look at what you want. And that's what I coach clients on, right? It's just literally...
Aubrey Kellar (33:33.813)
For all dreams are gold.
Aubrey Kellar (33:45.699)
Yeah.
Alicia (33:52.273)
creating their own picture of success.
and looking where you want to go and focusing your energy on that. And there's a lot more to it than that. And it sounds really simple, but it is in a sense, like it can be.
Aubrey Kellar (34:06.348)
Yeah, I mean, I think taking the first step can be that simple. You know, I mean, then you have to think about like the humans in your life and all of the things that, you know, you know, financial things to think about. But I think if you take the first step, like everything's going to fall in line because you're in line, you know, you're aligned.
Alicia (34:15.78)
Of course.
Alicia (34:25.353)
Yeah, you're in line. You're aligned. Wow. So what has happened for you? Like, you know, a 30 year old Aubrey who went to, you know, I don't know exactly the time behind, or you went to Italy as Italy, India, you went to India and you came back and you were, you know, had this new perspective on focusing on what you want and you ended, ended a cycle of marriage. What has been possible for you?
Aubrey Kellar (34:28.688)
Mm.
Alicia (34:51.977)
now? Like what has what have you created in your life and what's your life been like since then?
Aubrey Kellar (34:57.423)
Yeah, I think I was able to kind of like let it all go. You know, I left the marriage, I quit my job, I went to Nicaragua and ultimately to Mexico. And so I let it all go literally and had no obligations, had no responsibilities, had very little money. And then I was able to kind of, okay, here's a blank slate. Like here's...
I mean, it wasn't like a rock bottom situation, but kind of, you know, from the ground again, the floor. And what pieces of the first cycle of my life do I want to bring back? You know, I had the opportunity to say like, okay, you know what, maybe having a stable career is for me for a couple more years because, you know, now I have a daughter and it brought this like...
sense of stability and it allowed me to kind of really build financially and get a little more stable. So, okay, maybe I should bring that back for a little while. It allowed me to kind of see, okay, like for example, I wanted, I guess, more flexibility in just my relationship as far as not having, I don't know, I feel like in my first relationship,
always tried to do the same thing and be the same person and have the same goals. And so now in this relationship, I'm just allowed to have my own goals and he can do his own thing. And so that's something new that I brought back into my life or that I brought into my life from bottom. So I think, yeah, it just allowed me to kind of start fresh, start from the ground up and then build, like, okay, what was something that I liked about being totally free,
Alicia (36:38.945)
and
Aubrey Kellar (36:54.23)
totally irresponsible that I want to keep with me and maybe that's more of just like a sense of freedom, maybe a little bit more freedom in this relationship. The community of people that I met who also carry that sense of freedom like you and like, you know, just a lot of the people that I met outside of the states kind of. And yeah, I don't know if that answered your question or if I went on a little bit of a
Alicia (37:02.149)
Yeah.
Alicia (37:17.186)
Yeah.
Alicia (37:22.145)
No, it does. And I think what you said that really stands out to me is that what you realized was that you have a choice. You have a choice in what you want to bring forward from your past and what you want to release and start new. And I think so frequently or so often I see it in women especially, but I also work mostly and talk mostly with women, so maybe men as well.
Aubrey Kellar (37:39.009)
Yeah.
Alicia (37:48.069)
I would guess probably men too, is they don't realize they have choice in their thoughts, in the way they live, in how they spend their time. And my challenge to every human being on earth is to remember that you have agency and you have choice in, and a responsibility quite frankly, to live your one life. And
Aubrey Kellar (37:51.51)
I'm going to take a few minutes to get back to you.
Alicia (38:16.465)
and spend it doing as many of the things that you want to do as you possibly can. And it's not to say like only do things that are fun, although maybe. Um, but just, but just to remember that you have choice and just because you've been taught something or modeled something your whole life doesn't mean it has to be the thing that you carry forward or just because you've worked in corporate America for.
Aubrey Kellar (38:27.737)
Maybe three.
Alicia (38:44.401)
10 years or 20 or 30 years, or maybe you're 70 years old and you're listening to this. You don't have to keep doing the same things. It's never too late to make a new choice. That's what I want to say. It's never too late to make a new choice.
Aubrey Kellar (38:59.98)
Yeah, no, I think you nailed it there because I also got chills. And also I think you're exactly right too. That like you can if you leave something behind.
Alicia (39:03.748)
Yeah.
Aubrey Kellar (39:12.798)
I mean, a lot of times you can bring it back in a new way. Maybe not if it's a relationship or a human, but if it's a career or something like this, you know, like it doesn't mean that it's gone forever just because you're taking a pause or step back and you're trying to reevaluate and you're starting from that floor from that bottom or whatever. A lot of times, everything's a cycle, you know? And I mean, for even the relationship, it's still a relationship. It's not a marriage anymore,
Alicia (39:16.945)
Mm-hmm.
Aubrey Kellar (39:42.882)
That person stole my life. Maybe even the human being will still be there. You never know.
Alicia (39:43.425)
Yeah.
Alicia (39:50.449)
That's right. And you can always, you can always make a new choice and make a new choice about that old choice. You know, like you can always, nothing's permanent, right? And I think that's what you're saying is like, it can evolve and it can look different and you can always make a new choice. I remember for us, when we decided to sort of burn our lives down to use your language, um, what, what we knew and what we told ourselves was that we can always go back.
We can always do this version again. If what we go and explore and we, we think we're going to learn, or if the whole thing goes belly up and it doesn't work out, we can always come back. You can always make a new choice about it. Right. And nothing in life is permanent. And you are a shining example of that. I'm in my expression and my unlearning of, of the old way of thinking and stepping into that and having conversations with people like you and, and.
Aubrey Kellar (40:31.474)
Yep.
Alicia (40:49.721)
getting out of my comfort zone and getting out of what I, my only real picture of success and traveling. I mean, that's another thing is like traveling just broadens your perspective about what is possible massively, right? Like you stay in that small little town in Lexington, South Carolina. That's all you're going to know. Right. But then you went to the beach town and maybe that beach town was just like in South Carolina, but it was like a different group of people, all of a sudden you're like, Oh.
people can live like this too, or this is another way to... It's just so important that we put ourselves in situations that broaden our perspectives.
Aubrey Kellar (41:24.085)
Yeah, absolutely. And I tell myself that all the time that nothing lasts forever. Like, and sometimes bad, you know, because maybe it's the good things and you want them to last forever. But that's an important thing to remember because it makes overall I think it makes life a little less scary. Like it makes the fear a little bit smaller when you know like, okay, nothing lasts forever. Like I can always go back, I can always
you know, always.
Alicia (41:50.606)
Yeah.
Alicia (41:54.029)
That's right. That's right. Wow. Um, this has been amazing. Like we just got straight into it and I feel like I, yeah, I've taken so many nuggets away and, and things that I want to put into my own practice. So thank you, Aubrey for your, your expertise and your insights and your guidance for myself, as well as listeners. Um, I'd love to maybe like end with like a rapid fire kind of question. If that's cool with you.
Okay. I'll ask you like two just kind of like random questions. So what is a book that changed your life and why?
Aubrey Kellar (42:31.844)
Ooh, changed my life. So definitely eat, pray, love, which I know sounds cheesy, but Elizabeth Gilbert, amazing.
Alicia (42:38.393)
That's mine! No, that's literally my book!
That's why we're so connected.
Aubrey Kellar (42:44.203)
it. I was sitting on a plane reading it and I was going on a trip with my ex going to Europe and I was just like, Yep, yep, the whole time, you know, like, oh my god, this change. But another one that everybody should read is tiny, beautiful things by Cheryl Strait, because that has so many in there. And the show is great to read the book.
Alicia (43:01.925)
beautiful.
Alicia (43:07.449)
My friend Mandy actually produced that show. No, okay, scratch that. I need to take that part out. It was little fires everywhere. Yeah, I'm gonna take that part out. That sounds so great. Yeah, go check out that show. Hype up, Mandy.
Aubrey Kellar (43:15.47)
Oh, but that's a great show, too.
Alicia (43:23.097)
No, I'll take that part out. Um, yeah, both such beautiful. Pause. I'm going to pause again so I can easily edit it. Both of those are such beautiful, uh, offerings and recommendations. Thank you, Aubrey. Yeah. Eat, pray love changed my life. And, and though I didn't do anything about it for like 14 years, like I read it and I was like, I want to do that.
Aubrey Kellar (43:44.98)
Well.
Alicia (43:49.161)
I'm going to go do eat, pray, love. I remember I was like living on my own for the first time in like 2006 or whenever that was, and, uh, when it came out and I was like living in my own apartment thinking like, I'm going to go have my eat, pray, love moment. And then I just, I got jobs and I got promotions and I got graduate degrees and I kept living that life. And then, and then we just did our own version of eat, pray, love as a family, you know, recently same, same idea, just less like pizza and like.
Aubrey Kellar (44:10.637)
Yeah. Oh. Bummer.
Alicia (44:17.493)
Sex with Italian men.
Alicia (44:21.441)
Yeah, bummer yeah. Um, okay. And then the last question I'll ask you is if you could put one message on a billboard, what would it say?
Aubrey Kellar (44:33.383)
Oh man, probably just either lose the fear or let go. Because I think that the moment that we let go of anything, it doesn't have to be people, it doesn't have to be jobs, it doesn't have to be physical things like you said earlier, like ideas, fears.
I shared with you before this started that I almost didn't answer the prompt for this, right? Because I thought, well, I'm not famous, you know, like, who cares to hear my story? Who am I to come on a podcast? But I had to just let that shit go, you know what I mean? Because I'm doing it for me. And like we've said earlier, when we do it for us, we're also doing it for other people. Because that there's somebody for everybody, or however you phrase that earlier. So maybe it would be let that
Alicia (45:01.385)
and
Alicia (45:18.961)
That's right.
Alicia (45:24.501)
Yeah. And when we do things, when we do things for ourselves, we inspire other people to do things for themselves. And if the world had more people doing what they love and doing things for themselves and letting go of fear and, and embracing their possibility, like, wow, the world would be freaking dynamic and in such a happier place. So yes, let go of the fear.
Aubrey Kellar (45:54.218)
Yeah. Thank you.
Alicia (45:54.949)
Thank you. Thank you for your time and your energy today. I'm so grateful to you and thank you for carrying on the legacy of together and continuing to create a space where so many other women can get what they need from it. You're such an amazing community activator.
Aubrey Kellar (46:11.859)
Yeah, thank you.
Thank you for leaving it for us and for doing this. And I wish you the best of luck with everything. This is amazing.
Alicia (46:21.465)
Thank you so much. I'll see you in Panama soon, okay?
Aubrey Kellar (46:25.066)
Bye!
Alicia (46:27.734)
Alright, bye Aubrey!
